Creatively Speaking*

The child in me berades me constantly with her "Mommy why?! Mommy why?!" She screams loudly urging me to give in to a past I have forgotten and seem to be stifling. Five years ago, I let the deepest connection between my inner child and me simply just die. I somehow got lost in the shuffle and threw it to the wind. I heard her whispering the other day (I guess she realized the screaming was futile). She whispered "Mommy why? Why did you let your creativity die?"

My creativity. My creativity. Yes, I indeed severed the tie to that part of me that was so innately a presence in my being. I came to college and lost what and who I was in trying to become a renewed version of myself. How does one lose his or her self in trying to improve? By looking at the improvement of others and thinking you are somehow subpar. Yesterday, for the first time in five years I felt "the rush of urgency". I've felt the urge and at times the rush to be active about my passions, but this time was different because the rush felt good and it left me with a charge to act upon it.

The catalyst for this movement was a painting by Traci Bautista. The painting you see above moved my inner child enough to ask me "Do you remember this feeling?" I perused Traci Bautista's site after happening upon the Copic marker site (long story), where she was advertised as their featured artist. I literally was smitten by her work. All her artwork is laden with childlike tendencies, but has effortless maturity with very feminine overtones. It is everything the creative side of me wants to be a balance of. I looked at her techniques and the items she uses to create her work and everything is so freeing and unrestricted. The funny thing of it all is that I've drawn a few times, but always cared about it not being better than others. The only creative outlet that I intentionally sought out -and surpassed my initial expectations - was through dance. My dancing was laden with childlike tendencies, yet had effortless maturity with very feminine overtones, and gave me a feeling of freedom and inhibition. which is why I've connected to Bautista's work with such intensity. This feeling has not only resurged my love for dance, but has inspired me to try a hand at art once more. I no longer look at these forms of art as the competition I once personified it as. I look at it for what it is...

"the purpose of art is to be an extension of our reality." ~Me